I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
