he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Drunk is a universal language darling
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