Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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