Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
