im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
bring money and cleavage
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
