1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
