"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
