And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
