Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
