a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
