Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
