I wish I could teleport
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
