I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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