We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize