it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
