My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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