You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
