He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
