I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
im holly from the hills drunk
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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