he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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