he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
