The maid of honor just puked.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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