We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
