I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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