i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
