The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
