the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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