I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
