I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
