I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
