Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
