Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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