The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
