Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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