i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
