and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
