She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
