at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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