i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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