Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
