We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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