He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
