why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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