He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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