i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?