Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
