Texts From Last Night

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  (707): View more from California

  i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.

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  (707): i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either. http://tfl.nu/icf7
  Replies (55) Good night (4558) Bad night (604)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.

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  (850): He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight. http://tfl.nu/5341
  Replies (8) Good night (647) Bad night (3193)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.

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  (773): well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it. http://tfl.nu/vp9s
  Replies (19) Good night (6205) Bad night (1263)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.

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  (703): the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up. http://tfl.nu/glqa
  Replies (23) Good night (4585) Bad night (1496)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?

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  (708): what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit? http://tfl.nu/d2ae
  Replies (15) Good night (3289) Bad night (1295)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.

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  (941): Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't. http://tfl.nu/qxou
  Replies (11) Good night (2343) Bad night (993)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.

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  (859): No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks. http://tfl.nu/8h7o
  Replies (9) Good night (2231) Bad night (993)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.

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  (620): Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians. http://tfl.nu/2mf6
  Replies (26) Good night (1209) Bad night (4408)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.

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  (918): Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose. http://tfl.nu/n06v
  Replies (6) Good night (1608) Bad night (654)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.

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  (713): Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America. http://tfl.nu/d35e
  Replies (12) Good night (1829) Bad night (697)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".

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  (570): Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me". http://tfl.nu/8pyn
  Replies (10) Good night (4257) Bad night (738)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.

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  (210): I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving. http://tfl.nu/75v3
  Replies (6) Good night (853) Bad night (358)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.

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  (519): Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom. http://tfl.nu/2pht
  Replies (3) Good night (1132) Bad night (295)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid

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  (216): if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid http://tfl.nu/kpi9
  Replies (1) Good night (666) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year

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  (214): Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year http://tfl.nu/uj3d
  Replies (7) Good night (311) Bad night (226)

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