ADVERTISEMENT

• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i already hear my dad disowning me

  Fav 2 2491 1063

  share tweet
  

• (573): View more from Missouri

  I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.

  Fav 16 3176 827

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room

  Fav 22 969 4465

  share tweet
  

• (519): View more from Ontario

  When you wake up, I have rum and am in town

  Fav 3 4869 808

  share tweet
  
• 

  19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (204): View more from Manitoba

  When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...

  Fav 21 8054 1208

  share tweet
  

• (917): View more from New York City

  I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.

  Fav 27 5696 2855

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (604): View more from British Columbia

  We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.

  Fav 13 3438 1097

  share tweet
  

• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.

  Fav 6 751 1141

  share tweet
  

• (206): View more from Washington

  Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"

  Fav 4 1059 483

  share tweet
  
• 

  The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (513): View more from Ohio

  I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"

  Fav 3 674 443

  share tweet
  

• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.

  Fav 0 162 70

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (917): View more from New York City

  so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go

  Fav 1 70 12

  share tweet
  

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.

  Fav 0 42 13

  share tweet
  

• (636): View more from Missouri

  You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice

  Fav 1 81 6

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (360): View more from Washington

  Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks

  Fav 1 26 48

  share tweet
  

Randomize