Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now

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(608): it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now http://tfl.nu/jhc8

Replies (14) Good night (2754) Bad night (1060)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks

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(413): At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks http://tfl.nu/fbkp

Replies (15) Good night (835) Bad night (2715)
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(763): View more from Minnesota

I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.

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(763): I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year. http://tfl.nu/q074

Replies (10) Good night (911) Bad night (3610)
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(714): View more from California

i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick

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(714): i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick http://tfl.nu/4tuf

Replies (35) Good night (7558) Bad night (1085)
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(754): View more from Florida

You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.

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(754): You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm. http://tfl.nu/ypbk

Replies (18) Good night (4864) Bad night (1094)
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(972): View more from Texas

85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.

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(972): 85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing. http://tfl.nu/910d

Replies (13) Good night (863) Bad night (6317)
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(716): View more from New York

he got a rim job in the basement.

(716): View more from New York

apparently i was the one who gave it to him.

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(716): he got a rim job in the basement. (716): apparently i was the one who gave it to him. http://tfl.nu/gzx7

Replies (10) Good night (1054) Bad night (4455)
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(805): View more from California

Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla

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(805): Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla http://tfl.nu/wlr8

Replies (9) Good night (2078) Bad night (894)
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.

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(321): We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you. http://tfl.nu/1l5x

Replies (3) Good night (3730) Bad night (900)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.

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(440): Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies. http://tfl.nu/iuff

Replies (14) Good night (2313) Bad night (1818)
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(208): View more from Idaho

Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging

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(208): Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging http://tfl.nu/urdf

Replies (27) Good night (850) Bad night (2564)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.

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(202): I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it. http://tfl.nu/il0a

Replies (12) Good night (1119) Bad night (512)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs

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(704): Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs http://tfl.nu/e56e

Replies (2) Good night (805) Bad night (283)
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(360): View more from Washington

I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.

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(360): I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow. http://tfl.nu/5cxp

Replies (4) Good night (363) Bad night (669)
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(937): View more from Ohio

I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.

(1-937): View more from Ohio

Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them

(937): View more from Ohio

Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.

(1-937): View more from Ohio

Sounds legit to me.

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(937): I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops. (1-937): Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them (937): Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them. (1-937): Sounds legit to me. http://tfl.nu/dn4f

Replies (3) Good night (580) Bad night (276)

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