I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have aggressive nipples.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
