TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.