I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
