My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
