Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
