I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
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You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
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I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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