look no pants
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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