CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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