i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
