I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
