I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
