so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
As shirtless as possible
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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