The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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