I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
