I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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