And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
