Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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