I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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