just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
