She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
