So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
