Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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