dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
