i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
