READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
