She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
