i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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