shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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