I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
