yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Randomize
