My brain says no but my pants say off.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
