Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
