oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you had me at cake vodka
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
