Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
