dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
