Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The air was thick with penises
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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