I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
