On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
