Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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