The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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